To Resolve Probate, Trusts and Eldercare Issues. “Winning” by proving in open court that your mother or father is failing mentally, or that your sibling has taken money or improper control of family funds, is traumatic and expensive.[i] Integrative mediation can offer a more relevant and satisfying alternative. By using both an attorney and a mental health professional, … [Read more...] about Using Integrative Mediation
Articles
How Not to Do a War of the Roses Divorce
Michael Douglas, Kathleen Turner and Danny DeVito turned in memorable performances in 1989’s The War of the Roses as a divorcing couple and a conniving lawyer in the throes of a divorce so bitter the movie is a comedy. If you are contemplating a divorce or are already going through one, watch the movie as an instruction manual on what not to do. Unlike Douglas and Turner, most real-life … [Read more...] about How Not to Do a War of the Roses Divorce
Working with the Mind in Divorce
We are Vulnerable to our Mind States - Whether we realize it or not, our mind state at any given moment is a reflection of our reality. In fact, whether we are happy or sad depends more on our inner terrain than it does on external circumstances. Have you ever been in a situation, where by all rights you should be in a celebratory mood, glowing with happiness, and you just don't … [Read more...] about Working with the Mind in Divorce
Anger and Venting in Integrative Mediation
Many people considering mediation worry that they will not be safe because of their fear around their partner’s anger, or the way they express that anger. They worry that they will be attacked, blamed, hammered, humiliated, and belittled, as well as not seen and not heard. Many fear that they will not be able to protect themselves, to stand up for themselves, to find their voice in the … [Read more...] about Anger and Venting in Integrative Mediation
Three Reasons to Divorce Using Integrative Mediation
Many of you reading this blog may be familiar with litigation and mediation. Some of you may also have heard of collaborative divorce. But I'm guessing few of you have heard of Integrative Mediation because it hasn't been around that long. What Is Integrative Mediation and Why Should We Choose It? Integrative Mediation (IM) is a newer divorce modality that uses two or three divorce … [Read more...] about Three Reasons to Divorce Using Integrative Mediation
Secrets to a Good Divorce
The decision to divorce is a huge one. But the next biggest decision you will make is the type of divorce you want. If you want a “good divorce” — one that is amicable, based on mutual cooperation and fairness — don’t leave it to chance. This article will outline the secrets to a good divorce, and explain why mediation is the best choice you can make. We have all seen “bad” divorces. These … [Read more...] about Secrets to a Good Divorce
Divorcing? First Agreements That Will Make All The Difference
Whether you are the one who has been contemplating divorce or you are the one who hearing about your spouse’s decision, the whole idea of divorce so easily brings up so many fears about what the future holds. Where will I live? Will I have enough money to live on? What will happen to our children? And on and on and on. I call those “catastrophysing thoughts” – thinking that divorce is about … [Read more...] about Divorcing? First Agreements That Will Make All The Difference
Seven Reasons to Forgive Your Ex
Let’s face it — it’s hard to end a marriage without some degree of anger, resentment, disappointment or guilt creeping in. In the old days, it was expected that divorcing spouses would basically be enemies for the rest of their lives. We know now that is unnecessary. Most people, given the choice, want to have an amicable divorce. Yet, intense emotions such as anger, grief, fear and mistrust … [Read more...] about Seven Reasons to Forgive Your Ex
Co-Parenting During and After Divorce or Separation
You’ve been together for years and now one or both of you have decided it is no longer possible to stay together, not even for the children. You are sad at the loss of the vision for the future you would have had together and may be concerned/frightened about what comes next. Had you been together without having children, you would have had the option of saying goodbye and not having to maintain … [Read more...] about Co-Parenting During and After Divorce or Separation
Counterintuitive Advice: In Conflict, Don’t Try Making Your Case
When I teach conflict resolution skills for individuals to use in their everyday lives, one of the most fundamental—and difficult—principles I teach is not to take the approach of our legal system. What does that mean? It means that when we are having a disagreement with someone, our tendency is to “make our case.” We have a list of reasons we are right and the other person is wrong. We compile … [Read more...] about Counterintuitive Advice: In Conflict, Don’t Try Making Your Case
Creating Empowerment Through Transparency
Celebrity Divorces in the News Celebrity divorces grab news headlines, with hundreds of millions of dollars split between individuals that will never experience financial insecurity. But for the vast majority of the population, divorce is not only emotionally challenging, it can also be loaded with fear for your financial future. And that concern is real. Between splitting the community … [Read more...] about Creating Empowerment Through Transparency
The Smartest Divorce Decision You Will Ever Make: Part II
Why Integrative Mediation Would Have Helped Me. In Part One of this blog, I discussed the problems with letting a judge make your divorce decisions and the painful experience my ex and I had during our divorce 10 years ago when Integrative Mediation was not available to us. Integrative Mediation is an interdisciplinary divorce process which helps the parties to make decisions and not the … [Read more...] about The Smartest Divorce Decision You Will Ever Make: Part II