How we talk to ourselves and how we talk to others has everything to do with attitude, frame of mind and ultimately our actions. In divorce if we think of ourselves as adversaries and use adversarial language, our frame of mind will be confrontational, adversarial and lead to an expectation of the worst rather than the best from the spouse we are engaged with in a dissolution of … [Read more...] about THE IMPORTANCE OF THE LANGUAGE WE USE
Articles
Full Disclosure in Integrative Mediation
Integrative mediation is a specialized form of divorce or separation mediation that involves two neutral third parties: a mental health professional and an attorney. With these two neutral professionals assisting a couple through the mediation process, a more comprehensive and meaningful resolution can often be reached. One of the main keys to a successful integrative mediation is the concept of … [Read more...] about Full Disclosure in Integrative Mediation
WHY ARE YOU AND YOUR SIBLING FIGHTING OVER YOUR PARENT’S HOUSE?
Your parent died a few months ago. That, in and of itself, is tragic enough. You’re neck deep in the grieving process and unsure how to do it justice. You’re overwhelmed by the notion that many legal and financial things need to be taken care of to administer Mom or Dad’s estate. To top it off, your sibling is arguing with you everywhere you turn, demanding things be done a certain way, the way … [Read more...] about WHY ARE YOU AND YOUR SIBLING FIGHTING OVER YOUR PARENT’S HOUSE?
Using Integrative Mediation
To Resolve Probate, Trusts and Eldercare Issues. “Winning” by proving in open court that your mother or father is failing mentally, or that your sibling has taken money or improper control of family funds, is traumatic and expensive.[i] Integrative mediation can offer a more relevant and satisfying alternative. By using both an attorney and a mental health professional, … [Read more...] about Using Integrative Mediation
How Not to Do a War of the Roses Divorce
Michael Douglas, Kathleen Turner and Danny DeVito turned in memorable performances in 1989’s The War of the Roses as a divorcing couple and a conniving lawyer in the throes of a divorce so bitter the movie is a comedy. If you are contemplating a divorce or are already going through one, watch the movie as an instruction manual on what not to do. Unlike Douglas and Turner, most real-life … [Read more...] about How Not to Do a War of the Roses Divorce
Working with the Mind in Divorce
We are Vulnerable to our Mind States - Whether we realize it or not, our mind state at any given moment is a reflection of our reality. In fact, whether we are happy or sad depends more on our inner terrain than it does on external circumstances. Have you ever been in a situation, where by all rights you should be in a celebratory mood, glowing with happiness, and you just don't … [Read more...] about Working with the Mind in Divorce
Anger and Venting in Integrative Mediation
Many people considering mediation worry that they will not be safe because of their fear around their partner’s anger, or the way they express that anger. They worry that they will be attacked, blamed, hammered, humiliated, and belittled, as well as not seen and not heard. Many fear that they will not be able to protect themselves, to stand up for themselves, to find their voice in the … [Read more...] about Anger and Venting in Integrative Mediation
Three Reasons to Divorce Using Integrative Mediation
Many of you reading this blog may be familiar with litigation and mediation. Some of you may also have heard of collaborative divorce. But I'm guessing few of you have heard of Integrative Mediation because it hasn't been around that long. What Is Integrative Mediation and Why Should We Choose It? Integrative Mediation (IM) is a newer divorce modality that uses two or three divorce … [Read more...] about Three Reasons to Divorce Using Integrative Mediation
Secrets to a Good Divorce
The decision to divorce is a huge one. But the next biggest decision you will make is the type of divorce you want. If you want a “good divorce” — one that is amicable, based on mutual cooperation and fairness — don’t leave it to chance. This article will outline the secrets to a good divorce, and explain why mediation is the best choice you can make. We have all seen “bad” divorces. These … [Read more...] about Secrets to a Good Divorce
Divorcing? First Agreements That Will Make All The Difference
Whether you are the one who has been contemplating divorce or you are the one who hearing about your spouse’s decision, the whole idea of divorce so easily brings up so many fears about what the future holds. Where will I live? Will I have enough money to live on? What will happen to our children? And on and on and on. I call those “catastrophysing thoughts” – thinking that divorce is about … [Read more...] about Divorcing? First Agreements That Will Make All The Difference
Seven Reasons to Forgive Your Ex
Let’s face it — it’s hard to end a marriage without some degree of anger, resentment, disappointment or guilt creeping in. In the old days, it was expected that divorcing spouses would basically be enemies for the rest of their lives. We know now that is unnecessary. Most people, given the choice, want to have an amicable divorce. Yet, intense emotions such as anger, grief, fear and mistrust … [Read more...] about Seven Reasons to Forgive Your Ex
Co-Parenting During and After Divorce or Separation
You’ve been together for years and now one or both of you have decided it is no longer possible to stay together, not even for the children. You are sad at the loss of the vision for the future you would have had together and may be concerned/frightened about what comes next. Had you been together without having children, you would have had the option of saying goodbye and not having to maintain … [Read more...] about Co-Parenting During and After Divorce or Separation